wholly & completely

It's been a recent realization that I need fall in love with myself. Wholly and completely.

I've officially decided (after a conversation with one of my most favorite humans) to do just that--fall in love with every part of me--my body. my mind. my spirit.
You know, the works.

Confession: I'm not good at being a girl. Or rather, I'm the worst at all things female. All that stuff that guys attribute to girls--the things that drive men nuts about women--I embody them. Wholly and completely.

I think way too much. I over analyze everything. I worry. I stress over the least stressing things. I gravitate towards nuttiness. I am unsure of myself. I get lost in my head. I feel fat in my own clothes. I disappear inward. Have unknowable, unworkable thoughts. I cannot say what most needs to be said when it most need to be heard.

And at one time or another (or both) because of these insecurities,
I've felt personally victimized by Regina George.
Many women have felt personally victimized by Regina George.
But how many of us have victimized ourselves?


This all is to say that girls are full of girl-hate. Including myself.


It's a big part of our reality, body image. Whether we openly acknowledge that or not, physical appearance is important. But not just for appearance--not only for the concoction of attributes we piece together to form us, in order to have us represent others. It's important for health and being wholly healthy. For looking, yes, but more importantly feeling, our best.

That's what I've decided to do. To not only love myself, but love me because I feel my best.

This for me means:
Working out. It doesn't matter how--a zumba class or a late night walk. Whatever.
Passing on the soda at dinner and the cookies in the teacher lounge.
Actually eating vegetables because they will make me feel good.
Taking the time to get ready in the morning.

I think this will allow me to find my peace and forgive myself for all of things I never did and the person I will never be..

Because I wasn't made to like like an airbrushed 5'10' paper-thin model.






xo.pa