This has been sitting in my draft box for a month...

I had a revelation last week. It was my half-birthday. 1.15.15. 
It went something like this: you deserve to be happy, you deserve to be selfish, and you deserve people who earn the right to be in your life.

It was in the audience of Alex Boyes performance when the thoughts rolled to me. I thought of last year and how horrible and beautiful it all was. 

And I realized that it doesn't ever really get easier to grow out of relationships and friendships. But as I've lived in a new city and made a new home and found new friends, I want to move towards a healthier peace of mind. 

I crave this new beginning like I crave donuts every saturday morning. And I want to carry with me into my new life a new sense of pride. I want to be proud of all of my accomplishments including being proud of the people I surround myself with. I want to carry those friendships that are supportive and constructive to my well being. I want to be proud not just of small pieces of my life, but to be proud of every bit of it. Because even when one or two pieces are out of sync, it has the ability to make the rest feel off balanced.

I want to cherish life a bit more. And I believe for the most part I truly have. I bike. I run. I move my body. Those things help me appreciate more. 

Starting anew means rebuilding it all, starting from the ground up. I want to cherish the things around me and notice the good things. I want to be deliberate in what I decide to allow into my new life and what choices I make for my future. I want to be tough but compassionate. I want to be gentle on myself and free the guilt I may have of being someone's downfall.

I have this feeling. I have a feeling that with the right amount of effort and focus, I can get far. I have the itch to be bold and challenge myself to do more than I think I can. And, by golly, I'm so excited for that challenge.








xo.pa